I began last week all set to write about something entirely different. But then, something happened that made everything else seem so trivial to me.
Before I tell you what that one thing was, or is, let me share two things with you. The first is that I usually find myself writing when I need to make sense of my feelings or to understand my reaction to something that moved me. It’s a kind of therapy that I’ve engaged in for many years. And this post is one of those times.
The second thing that I want to share with you is I am a practicing Catholic – a “cradle Catholic” – born into the faith. I cherish my faith, my parish, and my Catholic community. While I often write on spiritual issues, I have not spoken much about my Catholicism. Until now…
On Monday, Pope Francis signed off on a Vatican decree originating with the Congregation of the Doctrine of Faith, the body responsible for proclaiming and defending the Catholic faith.
This most recent degree reaffirms the old church teaching and bars priests from blessing same sex unions. It goes further, calling such unions “a sin”. And Pope Francis agreed.
I have been attempting to reconcile my thinking with this pronouncement, but I am struggling. This decision wounds me so personally and profoundly that it frightens me.
I should say that this is not the first nor only time I have questioned the proclamations or decisions of my church. In choosing to bar holy women from the priesthood, it seeks to deprive its members of the enormous gifts this body of worshippers (significantly greater than half the total) could share. Still I reel from the horrific manner in which the church dealt with the sexual abuse crisis.
And now, here we are again.
Often when I am faced with discernment, I ask myself “What would Jesus do?” In this case, would he turn his back on our LGBTQ brothers and sisters? Would he condemn, exclude, banish?
I accept the fact that my experience with the LGBTQ community may be fairly limited. But those I know I can only admire – as couples, as parents, as individuals. To a person, they are faithful, God centered, loving, generous and engaged , and yes, spiritual souls.
I expected more from Francis, who has often spoken tenderly about gays having a place in our Church, going so far as to call for law makers to initiate legislation in favor of same sex civil unions. He has invited advocates of gay rights to the Vatican. I, like so many others, had remained hopeful that change would come.
It was Francis who inspired that hope.
But now, at a time when our entire world is writhing from the effects of hate, greed, power and pride, my church has chosen to further the divisiveness. In these times, I would expect that we could turn to our places of worship for refuge and strength. Not so for everyone, I’m afraid. Doesn’t our God tell us not to sit in judgment of another? In each of these cases mentioned above, I see only exclusion and judgement – no solace, no forgiveness, no empathy, no acceptance.
While my church has chosen to block gay individuals from participating fully in its abundant riches, I am so very grateful for the many Catholic parishes and organizations joining with other faith groups to immediately issue clear statements of enduring support…opening their arms for their LGBTQ members. I pray more do the same.
For now, I know this… My Church is not this decree…My Church is literally all those who uniting in welcoming and fully embracing all who seek its comfort…all our brothers and sisters, no matter their nationality, sex, color or whom they chose to love. My Church is all-inclusive – refusing to discriminate.
And so, I continue to embrace My Church – choosing what I can accept of its teachings, celebrating in its many familiar, inspirational and comforting rituals, and grateful, always, for all the gifts it bestows upon me.
My Church, that which I hold so dear, lives within me.
Please share your thoughts on this important issue with all of us by using the comment space at the bottom of this post.
The activist , loving, inclusive Jesus would love and support your post……
I feel this deeply and I pray you are right, Lynn. Thank you!
Your post is so powerful and poignant and sad and honest. Thank you for sharing it.
I would love to talk further at this level ,and share my ambivalence of defending Judaism as my faith as well.
Perhaps your resolve to perpetuate what is good and feels right and accept all in love humility, is what Jesus, Moses, or God would want. But they only reside within each of our own hearts.
Margaret, thank you so much for this. Let’s find time to talk together. This is an issue among all faith groups, I know.
Amen Pat! I feel as though you took the words from my head and organized them to express exactly what I would like to articulate. We should have a socially-distanced coffee sometime and discuss!!
Anytime, Kerry…I would love to discuss. Thanks for this.
I so enjoy your writing … and I share your disillusionment. It seems the Catholic Church will never truly care about anything but control, greed and power from an entitled male perspective. In my opinion this is not at all what Jesus would do. I still remember with horror St Vincent Ferrer – my cradle Catholic Brooklyn NY childhood. A Catholic wedding in a Military Chapel that seemed a new mature beginning, and then for my daughters I chose the Catholic faith in the belief that it was evolving, albeit slowly, and they would be safe and held tight by a Religion that was less condemning than most. My oldest was treated unfairly as the first girl to be an Altar Server in our Parrish – seeds of wariness and doubt. In fact nothing of substance has changed these many decades later; in truth I became a Spiritual person rather than a Catholic at some point a very long time ago. Embracing a church within our heart / choosing those elements of Catholicism that speak to human rights and inclusion / rejecting the toxicity is in fact creating a new Church isn’t it … the two are not really compatible are they? For me it is analogous to Mock Cocktails and Alcoholic beverages … key ingredients are there, indistinguishable in appearance, but in reality could not be more different. This reconciliation of both worlds seems somehow wrong to me now because the Pope will not allow Change and has doubled down by casting the blanket of Sin upon humans God created in his own image.
Hi Eileen…it’s good to connect after all these years. I’m so very sorry for your experiences. I pray, though, that you won’t give up totally. Our church needs your presence if it is to ever grow and change. Maybe not as fast as we would like – it’s difficult to redirect the course of such a huge institution. I accept that our patience is being tested. Keep in touch, please!
I share your feelings on this.
Thank you, Lisa!
Thank you, Pat, for sending me the link. I hope I will be able to get all of your postings – you write so beautifully. I share you distress about this latest proclamation – but at the risk of being a “cafeteria Catholic” – I take it all with a grain of salt. God’s love is greater than any man-made law, and I don’t think God loves the “others” any less than He loves us. I had an Uncle who lived with his “partner” for over 50 years. Their love and devotion to each other excelled that of many conventional marriages. I can appreciate the pain this inflicts on the larger Community – but in the end – all that matters is our relationship with the God Who made us. The Church will get it right – in time.
L
K
Thank you for all your wisdom, Kathy! I always learn from you and I’m sure other readers will find your words helpful as we all try to understand this issue.
For the sake of your readers, I will introduce myself, knowing you need not be reminded. I am proud to consider Pat another mother in my life. Early in my life, our families lived doors apart, sharing meals, travel, fun, sadness, and love. Her children are my brothers and sister, no matter how long between our communication and contact. I love them. They are Catholics. We are Jews. Despite the customs and terminology, I leaned through them how much alike we are. So, when I finally found the courage to share with my family I was gay, I knew I would be loved and supported. I was not disappointed. That the Catholic side of the family. I never feared rejection or any different treatment from them, because I knew they believed in love, support, forgiveness, and that we are.all created in God’s image. No mistakes have been made. When my parents told me to read this post, I knew what I would read, because that is the Catholicism I have known. Love you Pat!
Brett, my sweet son! Thank you so much for this. It is wonderful hearing from you. We think of you so often and pray always that you are safe. So many beautiful memories!
Bravo, my friend! Not being Catholic, I cannot identify with your strong faith, but I do have my own.
Having been raised Jewish and growing up in NYC, I had friends of different faiths, backgrounds and colors. I learned to love them all. I was definitely shocked by The Pope’s statement, as I thought he was more progressive. I hope he can rethink what he said and realize how it hurts and alienates so many people. They are, after all, God’s children. It is so good to know that there are loving, thoughtful and open minded people who just love a person for who they are. And I am so proud to know one!
As am I, friend! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for your kind words.
I just read your post, Pat, and I totally agree. I too, am a cradle Catholic, one who left the church in college (in the 1950s), but returned after Vatican 2. I had hope that the institution would change, but instead it constantly pulls backward. I am struggling with the USCCB and their opinions. I do not understand why a gay couple’s marriage cannot be blessed. After all, Christ said “where 2 or more are gathered, there am I” I consider myself a Christian Catholic, one who tries to follow what Christ taught, not “rules and regulations of an institution.” I love my parish, and the people. That is my church. I am so thankful for all who have written, for all your comments. I have felt so alone. Now what can we do to change the bigger church. Any ideas?
Thank you for your comments, Sherri. We should all hopefully take comfort in the number of individuals, congregations and institutions that share our sorrow and have seen fit to speak up loudly in one voice and in strong support of all the faithful in the gay community. Let us continue to do so in the communal hope that our voices will be heard by those who can move us from exclusion to inclusion.
So beautifully written. You express yourself so tenderly. I love reading what you have to say. Love is love!
Thanks so much for this, Marcia. Yes! For sure…love IS love.