A few weeks ago, I was reading Mary Oliver’s poetry collection, Red Bird. In it she offers this short poem which she calls Instructions for Living a Life. It reads, in total…
Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.
How very simple, I thought. Could it really all boil down to just this? Could a purposeful, meaningful life be had simply by following this modest formula? Eyes closed, deep breath, I thought about her words, one phrase at a time.
Pay attention. How many times have we heard these two words? Usually they are uttered by someone in authority, in a stern voice, as if there will be consequences if ignored. But now I was thinking of them differently…
At the end of last year, a dear uncle – the last family member of his generation – passed away. During the beautiful celebration of his long and well lived life, in conversation with his son (also Ed), I commended my cousin for his unwavering devotion to his father. My uncle was a member of the greatest generation and fought battles in both France and Germany. His son relived those experiences with him, by taking him back to all the villages where he had spent time as a very young soldier protecting and defending our country and our allies. Father and son spent time tracking down people and places that still filled much of my uncle’s soon to fade memories.
This was a once in a lifetime experience for both of them for sure. But it wasn’t out of character for my cousin to do this. He was always there for his Dad – never using the many physical miles that separated them as an excuse not to be ever-present in his life. At the memorial service, I commended him for his unwavering presence in his Dad’s life. A humble man, my cousin shunned the praise. His response – “All I did was to pay attention”.
Now I remembered this conversation and realized that this enduring act of presence that he offered his father was exactly what Mary Oliver had in mind when she penned those words. He was present. He listened. He noticed. He respected. He paid attention.
What at first seemed so very simple, now became not quite so. Can I follow my relative’s lead and be in the moment without trying to change or influence the circumstance? Can I take notice, appreciate, embrace and even, let go, without needing to assess? For me, not simple at all.
Next, Mary Oliver suggests we “Be Astonished”.
Here again, on the surface, it seems advice easily followed. But as I thought more about it, I realized that even this would initially take conscious effort on my part. I also immediately realized how closely tied this second directive is to the first.
A few years back, I attended a retreat facilitated by Paula D’Arcy, author and lecturer. At one point during those retreat days, she offered a bit of advice on, of all things I now recall, being attentive. Paula made the suggestion that, when something grabs our attention – a sunset, a baby, a piece of art, a sound – that, rather than merely noticing it, she suggests that we ‘behold” the experience. The act of beholding, she says, requires much greater energy and focus. When we behold, we embrace, we appreciate, we feel, we absorb. We are, as Mary Oliver suggests, astonished.
So many times since that retreat I have found myself beholding – beholding things that I had way too often taken for granted are now being seen with much greater appreciation and awe.
The last bit of advice in Mary Oliver’s poem is “Tell About It”. And this, hopefully, is what we are attempting to do here on this blog. “Once upon a time…” is a phrase we’ve heard since childhood. Stories are a huge part of our past and our present. Just because you are here on this blog, we can assume you are a reader of stories. But aren’t we also story writers as we move through our lives – writers of our own stories, day by day? Alone, we own the rights to our unique story. No one else can or should attempt to tell it.
As an introvert, I don’t readily offer up stories about my life experiences. Often, I feel my tale is irrelevant, uninteresting, boring. But I realize now that our stories are what help us make connections. They link us to each other. And because you’re here, , starting this blog with me, we can already say we have some things in common. Telling our stories to each other helps us connect and thereby, we make sense of it all. Our past makes us who we are today. Our experiences, same or different, have brought us to this common place today. When we come together here at “Minding Our Lives“, let us commit to paying attention to each others’ stories and to being ever-astonished by them.
I am so very grateful to Mary Oliver for sharing her amazing insights with the world!
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Thank you, Pat. I truly enjoyed your thoughts, resources and comments.
I share your appreciation of John O’Donohue!!! “Beannacht ” touches my soul…truly a blessing. In fact, a neighbor and I who is Quaker have been meeting every few weeks as spiritual companions and we have found common ground in that poem. We decided to continue with ANAM CARA … Amazing ways to mind our life.
Mary Oliver and other poets have been helpful for me at times, too, during these difficult days. Pat, I appreciate the companionship and similar paths that you and I share.
Your reading list and cultural resources refresh and inspire. I have to admit that thrift store books from the past shopping are understandably getting mixed reviews from me, although the SHOEMAKER’S WIFE was a really nice story..
Could you include suggestions for movies or tv shows, too, your film list from book club was helpful .
So, I truly appreciate your work, Pat, please keep me on your list, eventhough it makes me miss you and sitting with a cup of tea.
Here is a Rumi thought:
“Whatever You Really See”
A human being is essentially
a spirit-eye.
Whatever you really see,
you are that.
So, Pat, thank you. Let’s keep minding and seeing …
Thanks so much Eileen. You have been an inspiration to me and to so many so I appreciate this comment.
Pat,
First, and most importantly, congratulations on bringing your blog to life. You designed and developed a product and brought it to market! Few people do that. There are many virtues in play to achieve that milestone. Courage is one. “A ship is safe in harbor but that’s not what ships are made for.” You pushed out into uncharted waters – alone. Persistence and determination factor in. These two virtues have solved humankind’s problems from the beginning. Not genius. Not talent. So, you have accomplished what you set out to do. YOU paid attention. I’M astonished and WE all tell about it from here. I have great admiration for your courage, determination and persistence as a woman, wife, mother, grandmother, cousin and friend.
I have carried a phrase with me for most of my life given to me by one of my Latin teachers at Brooklyn Prep – “age quod agis.” It literally translates to “do what you are doing.” Figuratively, it addresses the concept of focus. In your introduction, you speak to the importance of paying attention and beholding (not simply noticing) as ingredients to a more purposeful and meaningful life. How very true. I learned the importance of paying attention and beholding from my mother. She was born in 1927 with rheumatic fever and, as was a typical forecast at that time, her family was told that she might live to the age twelve. My mother died in 1991 at the age of sixty-four. She played with house money her whole life and she knew it. What it imbued in her was an uncommon sense of appreciation – for everything and everybody. She smelled the roses every day. Granted, she had a set of broad shoulders to lean on in my father but all that did was increase her confidence in doing, trying, and being. She received her driver’s license at the age of fifty-two, rejoined the workforce at the age of fifty-four, roller skated, danced and, when she visited my family in Phoenix, rode a bike everyday with her grandchildren. Everything she was told she couldn’t or shouldn’t do, she did. Why? she wanted a meaningful life. How? through courage, determination and persistence.
I have used “age quod agis” with my platoon in Vietnam, with employees, with my children and, most often, with myself. I’ve also had fun with it as most people who hear me say it roll their eyes and laugh. But, it works. So, keep doing what you’re doing. This blog adds value to the world. How many people can say that?
Ed
What can I say, Ed? You leave me speechless and filled with emotion. Thank you so much for this sharing. I hope you will continue to inspire, comfort and teach all of us with your comments.
I have to be honest I opened your post and then forgot about it. I am sitting here at 6:00 am now reading it and enjoying the beauty of a new day in a slightly different way than yesterday because of the poem and your blog. The times we are living in are difficult but with a new prospective I can make the most of the life I’m given.
Thank you Pat and I look forward to being a part of this blog. I’m not sure what I can add but I know I’ll gain from others thoughts and feelings.
God bless
Thanks so very much, Gladys! You warm my heart, truly. I hope you will continue down this path with me.
This from a Navy Seal Admiral and friend of mine for over 50 years.
Reflection
“No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” Christians are no strangers to sacrifice. Jesus lays down his life for our redemption, martyrs remain faithful to the end, and every believer faces “deaths” in the spiritual life when love requires a re-ordering of preference and priority.
On Memorial Day, we honor those who laid down their lives for their nation and for the values we espouse – freedom, justice, and a better world for our children. In a day that often fills with barbeques and boat launches, remember to take some time in prayer! Intercede for those who have died and for the loved ones they left behind, and pray for peace on earth.
Prayers for and gratitude to all our heroes on this and every day.